01
Another day, the man thought to himself over the scent of Spaghetti Bolognese. It was, in fact, another day. Every day was the same - he would wake up at precisely 7:00am, change into his work clothes, brush his teeth, eat dry bran cereal, take the train to work, take the train back from work, have a glass of Port, make spaghetti, and be in bed by 9:00pm. Occasionally he would reward himself with take-out if he had an extra stimulating day at work, but this was a rarity. For the most part, he went about his life in the most routine of nature. However, this all changed one fateful evening with the ring of his mobile.
“RINGGGGG! RINGGGGGG!”
This occurrence was already peculiar. First, the man’s mobile never rang. He did not have any friends, work was always slow, and his only family was a sister who couldn’t even remember his name if you asked her. Unless there was some free ocean cruise scam or a telemarketer needed to fill a quota, this man simply did not receive calls. The man often wondered why he had a mobile at all, but he held on to the hope that he could possibly be needed by somebody at sometime. The other unusual circumstance was the plainly audible ringing the man had woken up to. The man had always silenced his mobile promptly at 9:00pm, and yet it was ringing loud and clear (“RINGGGGGG!”) at the early hour of 2:30am. This puzzled the man, but he felt a strange urge to engage with the event.“RINGGGGG! RINGGGGGG!”-
“Hello?” The man inquired with genuine curiosity.
“Yes, hello! My name is Salami and I am in dire need of urgent assistance! Please help me!” The man wondered if this was truly happening, or if he could be dreaming. He had sworn that his mobile was silenced. Furthermore, who calls at 2:30 in the morning? Who calls at all?
“Hostage! I’m being held hostage!” Salami declared with a tone of desperation. “I need help, can you hear me?”
“Uh-huh.” The man said impulsively.
“Well!?” Salami pressed.
Salami was a strange name, the man thought. The entire situation that was unfolding was bizarre.The man didn’t know anybody by the name of Salami. Not that he knew many people at all, but still.
“How did you get my phone number?” The man probed.
“Never mind about that, right now I need saving, and I need it fast!” Salami blurted, curtly.
Immediately, the man speculated about the situation. He mentally formed a list of questions he could ask to judge the legitimacy of the call.
“Why are you calling me of all people?” the man asked, seeking more information.
“You’re different. You can help.” Salami answered, seeking favor.
The man was gratefully stunned at the compliment Salami had just offered. Never had the adjective ‘different’ been applied to him. He felt important. “Help how? What makes me different?”
“I told you! I’m being held against my will! Aren’t you listening? Time is of the essence! I don’t know how much longer I have!” Salami spouted, with a note of clear irritation in his voice.
At this point the man was drawn in. He was still confused, but the impression of being wanted, rather, needed, was more commanding than any other sensation coursing through his body. He couldn’t remember the last time he had been so invested in a situation. Nobody ever needed him for anything, and yet right now there was a desperate caller seeking his attention. He felt powerful. He felt wanted. He felt different. Something exciting was happening. More exciting than ever. There was no way he was going to miss an opportunity for something different occurring.
“Okay, okay. Where are you?” The man asked eagerly.
“Central Florida Zoo & Botanical Gardens” Salami stated with a note of subtle apprehension.
“You’re being held hostage at a zoo??” This came as a shock to the man, naturally so.
“It’s nearly 3am, how on earth did you get yourself kidnapped in a zoo at this hour?”
At this point, the man felt insurmountably dumbfounded. It was in this moment that the most significant revelation of all was to come.
“I’ve been in this zoo for over 3 full years.” Salami replied.
A sour taste grew in the mans mouth, enveloping him and causing his knees to become weak. A horrid realization dawned over the man. He recalled a news article about an adult American Alligator nabbing a young boy near Disney World a few years ago. The boy was dragged to a nearby swamp where a pack of other alligators was waiting. Fortunately, residents came to the rescue quickly and chased after the alligator, at which point it let go of the boy, who was saved after weeks in the hospital. Instead of killing the alligator immediately, animal control decided to put the Alligator in the Orlando Zoo as a tourist attraction. This sparked controversy in the media, which attributed the name ‘Salami’ to the beast because the kid he nabbed was eating a stick of Salami at the time. The name stuck, and the zoo decided to keep it. The story garnered substantial media attention but as per the nature of the media industry, was quickly replaced by new stories, and people moved on and quickly forgot.
The man thought this must be a prank. Alligator’s don’t speak. Alligator’s don’t ring mobiles. This didn’t make any sense. The man was still holding on to the hope that something exciting could be happening in his life though, even if it was a prank. With the knowledge that this was likely a group of bored teens just trying to joke around, the man decided to play along.
“Are you an alligator?” The man accused, pointedly.
“Yes.” Salami answered, confirming the man’s theory.
“And how exactly would an Alligator make a phone call, or speak at all for that matter?” The man implored.
“The same way YOU would make a call, and speak to me. You answered the phone, didn’t you? You’re speaking to me, aren’t you?” Salami snapped back.
The man was taken aback by Salami’s tone. If this was a true story, and there was in fact an alligator named Salami trapped in the Central Florida Zoo and it made a call, spoke fluent English, and asked to be saved, wouldn’t the creature be a little nicer to the person he’s asking this extreme favour of? Apparently not, the man thought to himself.
“Even if this were true, how would I get into the zoo at this hour. It’s nearly 3am, the zoo is locked.” The man stated, growing agitated and attempting to end the conversation.
“I… I don’t have keys. I got lucky and a guest earlier this afternoon dropped his mobile right by my cell. I spent all night after closing using my tail and a long stick to push it towards my cellar. Finally, when I got it, I fiddled with the buttons for hours. It was pure destiny I could reach you. You are my last hope. Please, accept this proposal and rescue me.”
The man pondered the change in Salami’s approach. It was a compelling difference and the man sympathized with the animal.
Salami continued. “You see, the entire reason I landed in this prison is because I was trying to feed my family. What would you do in my situation, sir? I have 27 kids who have grown up now. My wife is growing old with me not by her side. My parents are likely dead now. I don’t know because I haven’t spoken to any of them since I’ve been here. Do you have a family, sir?” Salami questioned.
“No. No, I do not.” The man responded, with a degree of disappointment in his voice.
“So, tell me then sir, if you had a family wouldn’t you do anything for them?”
The man thought he’d do anything just to have a family. Hell, he’d do anything for any dose of excitement in his life. The man had spent his whole life in the shadows of others’ existence. He lived in the shadows. He craved what others had. A family, a purpose, a life. He thought maybe this was an opportunity.
“Sir?” Salami asked after a moment’s silence.
“Yes.” The man caught himself saying before his mind could process the reaction, briefly contemplating the consequences of answering Salami’s question.
“You see!” Salami said. “This is the position I’m in. I’ve been locked in this cage for years. My family needs me, depends on me! 27 kids, two elders, and my wife counted on me, and now I’m not with them. Where’s your morality, sir?” Salami pleaded.
The man thought the only thing worse than not experiencing anything in life would be experiencing a wonderful slew of abundance and having it all taken away in the turn of a moment. This was worse than nothing. This was having something, and it being taken. A stolen life. The man sympathized with Salami. At this, the man decided it was finally time to change. A fire ignited in the man’s chest and quickly enveloped his inner being. The man made a conscious decision to change his circumstances, take some risks, and experience something beyond his ordinary, plain existence. He owed it to Salami (if the caller was in fact Salami the Alligator) to respond to his calls for help. Even if this likely was a prank, the man resigned himself to going to the zoo and taking the first step in his colourful new life.
With one final “okay, I’m in” the man had committed himself to his new identity. Although old, he felt young for the first time. A fresh start, a new found meaning to his life, and it was all thanks to this phone call. Maybe it is destiny, the man thought. After all, his phone never should have rung at all. There were peculiarities from the get go. For once in his life, he felt significant and it felt great.
“You are a man of great worth.” Salami said, considering the impact his statement could make.