03
“Yesssssss! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! A million times over, thank you!” The alligator said. The man was genuinely shocked. He couldn’t believe what was happening and if it weren’t for the pain running through his body, he’d have been sure he was dreaming.
“Oh my god.” The man exclaimed, rhetorically. The expression on his face matched by the tone of surprise in his voice. Indeed, the situation unfolding in front of him was a marvel.
“You have no idea how mistreated I’ve been, sir.” Salami piqued. “I thought for sure you assumed I was looney, but I had to do everything in my power to escape from this wretched place. I can’t thank you enough for believing me and actually coming here. It must be my lucky day.”
The man looked down at the little red marks in his palm from the finials and back up again at the sky for the third time of the night and mulled the situation over. How was this happening? Why did his phone ring? How was an Alligator speaking English? Maybe destiny can be created. After all, he got himself inside the zoo. Something inside of him compelled him to entertain the idea that an alligator could be speaking to him and in need of saving enough to break into the zoo. The man thought he owed it to Salami to let him free. If it weren’t for Salami he’d still be trapped himself. Trapped in a life of unsubstantiated emptiness. Trapped in a life not worth living. Trapped in a purposeless and boring existence. Salami had given him life, freed him of his desolation, and given meaning to a life once meaningless.
“Well, let’s get you out of here.” The man offered with conviction in his voice.
“You’re going to have to jump over and lift me out.” Salami stated back.
The alligator den at the Central Orlando Zoo & Botanical Gardens was much simpler to escape from than the welcome gate was. All it had was a 4’ glass barrier around it. Strong, unbreakable glass, but not much height and surely no hazardous objects on top. Poor animals, the man thought to himself. With a flick of his heels, he was inside. The only issue the man had in getting into the den was the pain in his hip from his break-in to the zoo just minutes earlier. The man’s shoes and feet got wet from the swampy waters Salami lived in. Salami abruptly moved towards the man as soon as he was inside, eager for his second chance at life.
“Just one thing.” The man said to Salami, “I want you to promise me that nobody will discover my involvement in your escape. I have a bright future ahead of me and can’t risk losing it.” The man stated.
“Of course!” Salami said, with an air of assurance in his voice. “How could I ever do that to my rescuer, the one that granted me freedom and the ability to support my family again?” Salami stated rhetorically. “I would never do anything to hurt the man who gave me my life back. From my position, you are my hero, sir.”
Salami’s tone was enchanting. When it’s mouth is closed, an alligator always appears to be smiling, but in Salami it was clear that the smile was one of sincerity. Feeling comforted. the man believed Salami and had gratitude in his heart.
“You know, sir. The alligators in my community… they… they...” Salami started. “They don’t like humans. They don’t trust humans. They speak ill of humans. They don’t want anything to do with humans.” Salami took a moment to keep his composure.
“For years humans have been displacing alligators and bending our species to their will. They take us from our homes, put us on display in disgusting conditions for other humans to gawk at, take photos of, and make silly faces at us. Entire alligator families are murdered and sold on the streets as novelties. As purses, wearing us around their pants, on their feet, as hats, you name it. What has happened to the alligators in this nation is despicable. A modern genocide. And it won’t stop. This will continue. Humans are stronger than us. Humans are smarter than us. We harbour great resentment but won’t react out of utter fear that our species will be at even graver risk of extinction if we do. I personally, feel very guilty, sir. I feel guilty about taking that boy years ago, even if I did have good intentions. I feel guilty that I shared those same sentiments that the other Alligators feel about humans. I’m sorry.” Salami said.
The man was taken aback. The man considered about what Salami had said and agreed that it was sad what happens to alligators. Live and let live, the man thought to himself.
“I wish we could all co-exist peacefully.” The man responded.
A glimmer of opportunity shone in Salami’s yellow eyes as he showed a toothy smile.
The man glanced down at his wristwatch and realized there wasn’t much time left before zoo staff would start setting up for the day. “We should hurry,” the man said. And Salami agreed, both eyes fixed squarely on the man as he reached down to help him out of the den.
Salami was heavy, as most adult American Alligators are. The man wrapped his arms around the rear end of Salami’s body as Salami pressed his front paws against the glass and tried to walk up as the man lifted him. With one strong heave, the man pushed Salami over the glass and onto the pavement on the other side of the den. Just like that, Salami had been freed. The man was still inside the den and had swampy water all over his clothes now. He felt a sense of pride for what he had just done.
“There ya go!” The man exclaimed happily, still inside the den, to his new reptilian friend.
“Don’t get too comfortable in there, it’s miserable, let me tell ya!” Salami joked back to the man. An expression of eagerness showed in Salami’s face as he remarked to the man that a new life was only just beginning.
The man put two hands on top of the glass barricade and pulled himself up and over and just as he was jumping down an adult American Alligator named Salami was jumping up in full force, mouth wide open, nostrils flared, teeth protruding, and yellow eyes glinting.
In the turn of a second, both the man’s legs were completely engulfed in Salami’s mouth and he was screaming in terror. “AHHGHH! How dare you!?” The man squealed in agony.
Up until his call with Salami, death didn’t phase the man, it seemed just a natural part of life’s cycle. But you couldn’t die if you never lived to begin with. And this is what troubled the man the most. Not the fact that his legs were getting torn from his body, or even that an alligator had duped him. What troubled him the most was that he was dying before his true life had even started. The life he had been so excited, so determined, so trusting, to start. This was worse than death. This was murder. He felt personally robbed by Salami. A hatred burned within the man. How could this creature do this? How could it be so insensitive?
But it didn’t matter. The man was dying. A pool of blood puddled around the glass den. The swampy water turned to a dark red. The man’s restraint weakened. The control the man once felt faded as the Alligators jaws snapped shut. Salami retreated and gave the man the same sort of wrap around hug the man had given him only seconds prior, only this time it was for a much, much different reason. Salami squeezed hard. So hard that the man couldn’t breathe, the death roll it was called. Asphyxiated, the man gave up and already felt dead. It would be in true in minutes, anyways. And it was. With joy in his heart and his whole life in front of him, Salami rolled the man over until he became motionless and proceeded to exit the zoo through a burrow near the back of the facility.